Day 4 – Hilo

After leaving Maui, our ship sailed to the “Big Island”. Around the Hawaiian islands this island is called “Hawaii”, but to avoid confusion with others such as myself, it is referred to as the Big Island. We learned it is the youngest and largest of the islands and is the home of an active volcano. Our first day on the Big Island was on the eastern side in Hilo. This day happened to be Karina’s birthday so we attempted to find a way to fulfill her main goal on the island: visiting a black sand beach. All of the rental cars were booked (unless we wanted to pay $250 for the day at a local rental place) so we found an excursion that was to visit a black sand beach.

The excursion ended up being very fast-paced but extremely fun. It was run by a company called Lobo Del Mar which was comprised of a very gregarious family. I’d recommend their tours to anyone visiting the Big Island in the future. This particular tour took us to places like Rainbow Falls, Volcano Trees Park, and finally a black sand beach (Kaimu). It was gorgeous. Palm trees waving in the wind, the warm Pacific waters lapping and the black sand…that is until 1990 when the entire bay was covered with lava. The new beach is much more…errr…rugged, but still fascinating and beautiful in it’s own scene-of-utter-destruction way.

The beautiful beach at Kaimu before the molten lava

The beach as it looks now…less beautiful and more apocalyptic

As part of the tour, we also learned a little about the city of Hilo Hawaii. This poor town has fought many disasters and managed to survive. From numerous earthquakes and tsunamis to the unthinkable terror of having Rosanne Barr move in. I was hoping to see Roseanne as she would fulfill my quest for seeing a celebrity on the trip but, alas, I was not able to spot her.

Day 5 – Kona 

We had left a few days on our trip open for just exploring and sitting on a beach. One of these days was on Kona. We decided we would rent a couple scooters and try to find a nice sandy beach close by to sit and relax at. Unfortunately, we had no luck finding scooters. There were two companies on the island who rented scooters and one’s reputation (according to the internet and user reviews) was less than stellar (it had about as much credibility as that guy on the street corner selling authentic Bolex watches). We ended up walking to the only other scooter business we could find. Unfortunately, they only had 1 scooter available and it was large enough to require a motorcycle license to rent. While Karina possesses said license, that would mean I would have to ride on the back…of a scooter. While my manly pride (or lack thereof) doesn’t preclude me from drinking blue girly drinks with umbrellas or enjoying a good musical from time to time, I do have standards. So walk we did.

Unfortunately we were unable to find a beach within walking distance so we ate lunch and shopped until it was time to get back on to the tenders which took us to the boat. And wouldn’t you know it, there was a small sandy beach literally feet from where the tenders docked. We were slightly disappointed but then remembered WE WERE IN HAWAII!!

One thing I found interesting was being tenderered between the ship and the island and back on the ship’s lifeboats. I had never been in one before (and hope I never have to be again). The boat had written on the side that it’s capacity was 100 passengers as a tender and nearly 150 as a lifeboat. And, even with just the tender capacity it was crowded and a pretty wild ride on the waves. As we headed back to the ship I started thinking about what would happen if the lifeboat sank and I panicked. We would have no hope! Unless there are even smaller lifeboats in the lifeboat. Despite looking everywhere for said lifeboats (and receiving some odd glances in return) I did not locate them.

When we got back on to the ship we decided to hit the hot tubs. Believe it or not this was the first time we got wet in Hawaii! And “hot” in hot tub was a severe understatement. It was set to approximately “lava” no doubt as a tribute to the volcanically formed islands. Totally relaxed, I enjoyed percolating in the frothy water and using the water jets to clean those normally hard to reach spots between my toes.  The water was kind of frothy for some reason and I did not want to know what mixture of chemicals and human body excretions made it that way. I did immediately shower off after exiting the tub.

General ship notes

In order to avoid this becoming a daily journal, I figured I’d break it up a bit as it where to discuss the ship before going on to our last couple of days. As I noted, the ship was named the Pride of America as everyone knows the pride of our country is not the principles of freedom we are founded on, nor is it any of our beautiful landmarks be they natural or manmade. No, it’s a cruise ship in Hawaii owned by a company named Norwegian cruise line. I was skeptical as to how a Scandinavian country would be able to capture the American essence in a ship, but let me tell you: they nailed it!

The outside of the ship. Even it’s exterior screams “Vee are Proud to Be Americans Ya!” in a Norwegian way.

The centerpiece of the ship was a beautiful sculpture of the Washington monument. Next to it was the seal of America rendered on the marble floor. In the stairwell at each level was a huge portrait of one of our great landmarks or cities (and even some landmarks within cities!). My favorite was this picture of Los Angeles’ Colon Hotel (I hear it stinks in there).

There were two main dining rooms for guests to choose between. The “contemporary” dining room was called “Skyline”. Beings it was contemporary, it was themed after 1920’s New York.

The more formal dining room was called “Liberty” and was themed after…some patriotic stuff I guess. My favorite part of this dining room was it’s sculptures of various American heroes. Namely, this sculpture of Abraham Lincoln gallantly hailing a taxi cab.

Not everything was so obviously American. For example, there was this mural on the outside of the ship that captures the true aloha sprit of the islan….gah!! What is wrong with his thumb?! Good heavens, this must be a futuristic mural depicting residents of the impending zombie apocalypse relaxing by catching some waves.

Finally, there were a couple of unique drawings in the men’s room which I felt were interesting enough to photograph and mention. As you can see, they require no introduction (but an explanation would be nice).

I am really having a hard time determining what aspect of these pictures frightens me the most. No, I think I can narrow it down to the fact that they are peeing milk. 

Ship Entertainment

One piece of the cruise experience I wanted to take part in was watching the onboard comedian. Since our kids weren’t with us, we didn’t have to worry about a little salty language. Throughout the cruise we were informed that the ship was blessed with an award winning comedian. His name was Tim Kaminski and the award he won (and subsequently promotes himself with nonstop) was 2001’s Best Upcoming Comedian awarded by the National Comedy Hall of Fame. “THE Best Upcoming Comedian award?!” you ask incredulously. THE very award won by Bryan Kellen and…I guess some others. Bryan was the only other previous winner I could find using Google. Incidentally, per the National Comedy Hall of Fame’s own website (http://www.comedyhall.com/) it doesn’t even exist yet. But their website describes their plans and what will be included in the hall of fame. Something tells me they will need to update the plans for the “Successful Predictions of Upcoming Comedy Acts” wing.

We missed Mr. Kaminski’s first show earlier in the week but decided to go to the ship’s farewell show which included final performances by both Tim Kaminski and the ship’s guest musical act: Oh What a Night, a Franki Valli tribute.

Tim Kaminski opened the show with his “comedy act”. It was comprised of the bit made famous on Whose Line is it Anyway where an audience member would stand behind Mr. Kaminski and pretend to be his hands while Tim Kaminski narrated the activities. For example, the audience member would have to lather and shave Mr. Kaminksi’s face while Tim talked about his morning routine. Or the audience member would have to mime graciously accepting an award as Tim reiterated the fact that he won 2001’s Best Upcoming Comedian award.

Karina and I ended up enjoying the Franki Valli tribute band even more. Not necessarily because of their talent (which wasn’t bad), but because of how well they got the crowd going. It was then that the true demographic of the ship really sank in (we should have known better when we heard Norwegian’s motto: “You’ll have a swell time – it’s even more fun than a color talkie!” Oh What a Night sang many of Frankie Valli’s hits as well as other songs from the general period (specifically, the olden times period). They even sang one of my favorites, Big Girls Don’t Cry. I bet 30 years from now we will be on a cruise watching a group of people not even born yet singing Black Eyed Peas and Nickelback. Just kidding, nobody would ever put a tribute together for Nickelback. But maybe maroon 5 or something.

The farewell extravaganza concluded as representatives from the whole crew came out to sing “you are Norwegian now”. I knew where and when we were to depart but I had no idea my nationality was going to change. That was not in the brochure! One thing I thought was amusing (And perhaps telling) was how the housekeepers were relegated to the back of the stage. Seriously.

After the song everyone clapped for the captain of the ship who had managed to avoid small Italian islands. The fact that the Captain was onstage didn’t bother me as I am confident he has crew members to cover for him as well as intricate electronic equipment meant to keep the boat safe. However, I became incredibly concerned when I saw all of the chef’s on stage. WHO WAS MAKING THE FOOD?!

Day 6 – Kauai

The last island we were going to his was Karina’s favorite: Kauai. I was also excited because we had a Zip and Splash excursion planned. After confirming with the boat’s guest services that a swimsuit was recommended at the Zip and SPLASH adventure (not one of my finer moments, but hopefully I brightened their day a little) we headed to the rendezvous point. We were met by our excursion leaders Elvis and Noosh. I make it a general rule in life to not put my life in the hands of people named Elvis and/or Noosh but I made an exception in this case. Perhaps it was the air of confidence they exuded…or more likely the fact that excursions are expensive and, even if it meant plunging into a rainforest from hundreds of feet, I was getting my ding-dang money’s worth!

The excursion ended up being a blast. The zip-lining was awesome! We did several lines culminating in one that was 1800 feet long and over 200 feet high. And the scenery was beautiful. My favorite part though was on the drive to the zip lines when we drove by several places featured in films like Six Days Seven Nights and the Descendants (yes, what you are thinking is correct, I walked on dirt that was walked on by THE George Clooney!!). By far the best one was the watering hole from the original Jurassic Park. That movie was one of my biggest influences growing up. I was obsessed with it (which explains my impressive knowledge of Velociraptor facts and my equally impressive lack of girlfriends through most of high school).

(Here we are, all ready to go ziplining! Harness: check! Camera: check! Goofy-looking helmet that would do nothing in the event of a fall from 200 feet: check!)

When we got back to the harbor we rented a car and decided to drive around Kauai. We headed up the east side of the island. As this is the wet side, it had beautiful flora.

We saw the picturesque Hanalei Valley and the beautiful Kiluea Lighthouse. It was at the lighthouse that we saw the following picture below of a bird native to the area:

That magnificent creature is the Red Footed Booby. It appeared to be a beautiful avian specimen. When I saw that picture, I knew that I wanted to feast my eyes on a nice booby while I was still in Kauai. Even better would be spotting a pair of Boobys (or Boobies, not sure of proper grammar as it relates to a booby). I am sad to sad I did not see any boobies in Kaui. I hear they are enormous there.

Day 7 Kauai

Our final day in Kauai was relatively low key. Still having the rental car we drove up the drier west coast of the island, visiting landmarks such as Spouting Horn and Waimea Canyon.

Here we are in front of the Grand Canyon of the Pacific

We had to be back on board early as the last day of the cruise included a close sail-by of the Na Pali coastline. These beautiful cliffs are only accessible by water or hiking trail. I really wish I was looking at them as we sailed by. However, my eyes were clenched in terror thinking about how the last “close pass” by a cruise ship worked out. Thankfully the Norwegians aren’t quite as risky as Italians apparently and we made it back to Honolulu unscathed.

Day 8 – Return Home

Our final day saw us disembarking at 9am. On our way out we said goodbye to our favorite crew member (holla Ember!).

Us and Ember

We then looked to pass time until we had to be at the airport around noon. We found a free shuttle to a local shopping mall where we figured we could finish up our souvenir shopping. I should have remembered what my mom always said about nothing ever being free because the one catch with the shuttle is we “got” to take a free tour of Maui Divers, a local jewelry shop. Is there anything more boring than a jewelry shop tour? I submit there is not! The tour involved walking through the factory as we watched employees assembling and polishing various pieces of jewelry. They looked just about as happy to be there as we were. But at least THEY were being paid! By the time we got to the mall, we had about an hour to shop before needing to head to the airport. Looking back, it would have been just as entertaining and productive to have paid a taxi to drive us in circles in the parking lot.

Here I am eating authentic Hawaiian Shave ice. It was DELICIOUS!! 

We got to the airport in time to find out our flight was delayed. So we sat down to lunch at an airport eatery. It was here that Karina FINALLY got carded while ordering a drink. She was ecstatic. That is until she noticed the button on the waiters vest saying “we card everyone”. Beggars can’t be choosers!

Karina looking ecstatic after being carded by the waiter who would literally get in trouble if he didn’t card everyone

We had an awesome time on the trip overall. It is truly a blessing to have mothers willing to watch the kids for us while we got away. We enjoyed the alone time immensely and were able to do pretty much everything we had set out to do. I even saw a celebrity! Who you ask? None other than Tim Kaminski, 2001’s Best Upcoming Comedian of the year as awarded by the (not yet existing) National Comedy Hall of Fame.

Disclaimer: I realize these posts may seem petty as I am pointing out things on the trip that did not go as planned or advertised. I am sure I am not eliciting any pity from you as I was in freakin’ Hawaii. However, I am not complaining, just pointing out things that were unusual. If everything went according to plan, I’d just put up a trip brochure and say” “we did that”.

DAY 3 – MAUI

On our first, full official day of the cruise we woke up in the Port of Kahului in Maui. Karina and I were ready to begin our cruise adventures with zest. Each of us had some specific goals in mind for our vacation: Karina wanted to get carded when buying a drink. She also made a promise to herself that she would ONLY use the stairs on the ship. A promise that I wish I was aware was being made at the time. I would have provided some subtle encouragement to bypass that goal (and if that didn’t work, I would have been prepared to beg!). It’s a vacation after all! And her promise to herself was going to directly impact me even though I did not care nearly as much as to whether she let herself down or not.

My goal was originally one-fold: to see a celebrity. I am ashamed to admit it but we do subscribe to possibly more than one celebrity gossip magazines: US Weekly and STAR. Although, let the record state I thought the first magazine was a patriotic tribute to our great country and the latter was an astronomy guide. I was wrong on both accounts. Being as cheap as I am, I would not let those magazines go to waste. So, I page through them periodically (no pun intended) and always run a across a picture or two of celebrities frolicking on a Hawaiian beach. So, I made it my goal to spot a celebrity, preferably frolicking. Once we got on board and looked at the boat’s entertainment schedule, my second goal was made apparent: winning the men’s sexy legs contest! I knew I had one main obstacle between me and my prize: a severe lack of melanin in my legs. I planned to remedy that on the islands.

Exhibit 1: Note 4pm on Day 7

Our plan for the first day on Maui was to rent a car, drive to the little whaling town of Lahaina, rent scooters and tool a round a bit, then visit the world famous Old Lahaina Luau. I had reserved a car through Avis intended just to get us the 30 miles or so from Kahului to Lahaina. As that was all it was to be used for and there were only two of us, I had reserved a small economy car (in the class of a “Nissan Versa” or “golf cart”). When we pulled up into the Avis parking lot the first thing I saw was a line of gleaming Chevrolet Camaros. Figuring I didn’t have much to lose, I asked the lady helping me with my rental what the difference would be to get in to a Camaro. She tinkered around a bit on her computer and finally said it would be about $100 more for the day. Despite being on vacation, I could not stomach the difference and sadly told her that’s ok, I’d be fine with the economy car. She asked me to wait one minute while she did one more investigation. Sure enough, she “discovered” she could get me in a brand new Chevrolet Camaro SS convertible for $2 less than I was going to pay for the Versa/Segway class of car. Trying to play it cool I said: “hmmmm, you drive a tough bargain, I guess I will take you up on your generous offer.” After we walked out of the building I calmly informed Karina that this was the BEST VACATION EVER!! Let my experience go to show you that 1.) it never hurts to ask for something and 2.) the lady I dealt with was a dirty stinkin’ liar originally, but soon proved herself to be the best stinkin’ lady on earth (besides my wife).

The car was amazing. Cherry red, giant 6.2L 426hp engine, paddle shifters on the steering wheel. It was crazy fast….I hear. Unfortunately the vast majority of island roads had a speed limit of 35 miles per hour. Let me tell you, I got up to 35 in a hurry!! I only wish there was a Hawaiian autobahn (or autokilimakihunowali as it would probably be called). The car was so nice in fact, we began to second guess our decision to rent scooters. Why pay for scooters when we had a sweet ride already? That and I began to reconsider riding around scooters without helmets. I felt hypocritical based on the instructions I give my kids on their bicycles. I could have rented a helmet of course but that didn’t have the same “cool” vibe being radiated from the Camaro. So, we passed on the scooter rentals.

 Here’s me in said Camaro

Lahaina was a cute little down with some quaint shops. We ate at a little crepe restaurant off the beach a bit. The lime crepe I got was spectacular! It was made by a real Frenchman! Or a dude with a French accent at least. We did a little more exploring in the Camaro and headed over to the luau.

Here we are hiking to Honolua Bay. Part of the “more exploring” we did.

The luau was one of the big vacation must-do’s for Karina. She wanted a taste of the authentic Hawaiian culture as performed by Americans to a giant group of tourists. And when I say giant, I mean several hundred. It was packed.

I must say, the experience was very eye-opening. I learned so much about the traditional luau experience. For example, it was expensive. Thankfully the luaus apparently had an open bar to allow the patrons to attempt to get their money’s worth from the experience by ingesting as much liquor as possible. Second, the first hour or so of the traditional luau involved milling around with complete strangers. We took the opportunity to enjoy the beach views, saunter over to the artisans creating sculptures from wood, and peering at the sand pit within which our feast was cooking. The remaining 50 minutes were spent at the table people watching.

At the luau. From left to right: Karina, absolutely no idea, David

The second hour of the luau is my favorite! Unlimited food! We enjoyed some fresh-made pulled pork, Taro salad, Poi, and other foods. It was great. And served in the traditional fashion: dismissing folks table by table to get in line at the buffet.

The third hour was the one Karina enjoyed most. It was the hula show! I’ve embedded some video below. However, knowing some people are offended by exposed midriffs, I have tastefully edited the videos for family viewing:

What was my opinion of the dancing? Excellent question. I thought the dancers were incredibly talented. The music was cool as well. However, the point of the luau is the dancers were telling a story through dance. This is the part that escaped me. As with our viewing of La Reve in Vegas, I just don’t get the whole interpretive dance thing. One specific example had to do with the daughter of a god or something whose boyfriend was horribly burned. To convey her feelings, she shakes her hips in multiple ways. I would say personally that would be response 3 or 4 for me if someone important to me was burned. I would have followed along MUCH better if, instead of the whole dance thing, she ran around with her arms in the air screaming “MY BOYFRIEND WAS JUST HORRIBLY BURNED!!!” I could follow that.

DAY 4 – MAUI

For our second day in Maui we had our first planned, boat-coordinated excursion. As if vowing to herself to not ride an elevator on the boat was not enough, Karina also stipulated we must take a very active excursion involving 2 out of 3 of the following: sweating, panting in exhaustion, swimming. So our first excursion was called the “Waterfalls & Rainforest Hike”. Karina chose it because the description said things like “The hike is two miles round trip and footing can be tricky in the wilderness”. Additionally the hike was rated a “3” on the boat’s activity scale. The “3″ rating was described as such: “Tours with this physical activity level involve physical exertion for extended periods. The terrain may be uneven or steep…Recommended only for the physically fit and adventurous.”

For the reasons listed above, I was looking forward to this vacation activity about as much as I’d look forward to a root canal. However, I thought I’d go along for the ride and have fun. I had visions of rappelling down cliffs and scaling high mountains.

When we showed up at the designated rendezvous point I was immediately concerned. It was clear my fellow excursioners hadn’t undergone the rigorous training I had in preparation for the experience. I thought to myself: “they are gonna be sorry…sorry AND sore.” Turns out I was the one in for a surprise. We were driven out to the site by our guide Roger who was actually quite informative. I saw all manner of folks taking a wide clear path as our guide led us along a narrow path into the “jungle”. It did not take a cartography expert to realize we were being led on the long way as demonstrated by this illustration:

Where A is our van, B is the route we took and C is the waterfall-fed lagoon. You’ll notice the short, straight path leading directly to the lagoon from the van. Apparently Roger did not.

Roger kept pointing out cool plants, such as bananas and pineapples then hurrying to let us know the ones we were looking at were probably planted there (as opposed to naturally growing there). As we walked out we saw the big M. Night Shayamalan reveal: we were on some dudes farm the whole time. I should have put the pieces together: private property, neat lines of pineapples, etc. So you are telling me I paid an amount of dollars I am not willing to share to be able to walk in circles on some dudes farm looking at many plants that aren’t even indigenous to the area? Say what?! Not the exotic locale I was hoping for. This is like offering a tour showcasing Sonoran desert wildlife and then going to the Tucson zoo. Sure, polar bears are nice to look at but they aren’t native to the area. Why would I want to look at a banana farm if that’s not even native to an authentic Hawaiian rainforest?! Now, at this point you may say “David, it’s a volcanic island that rose out of the sea. Nothing is native as all the flora and/or fauna was brought to the island by birds or humans.” And to that I say “whose blog is this anyway?” Stop interrupting me or I will have no other choice than to discontinue imagining your valid points.

Well, despite being slightly mislead about the adventure, at least there were mosquitos. And lots of them. I was disappointed as I saw my chances at the sexy legs crown fading away with each insect bite – although it would increase my odds at winning the coveted “looks like chicken pox legs” title. Thankfully Roger had some homeopathic “mosquito repellant” which everyone took. Apparently his definition of the word “repellant” is similar to the way I define “attractant” as mosquitos were all over us. He then offered his own concoction of after-bite itch relief. Which made me wonder why he bothered to make that in the first place if his repellant was effective. I assume he also had another miracle cream for when the after-bite cream inevitably failed.

I will say the entire hike was worth the time and money when Roger fluffed a very audible “air biscuit” as he was conversing with us. He did it with such confidence and carelessness that I can assume nothing other than he does it in conversation on a very regular basis. Afterwards Karina and I looked at each other exchanging knowing glances that said: “he did not just do that, did he?!”

 Here we are at the exotic lagoon. Not pictured are hoards of tourists who took the easy way.

Karina doing about the closest thing resembling an activity level “3″ on the entire hike. Our guide took incredible measures to ensure we avoided any terrain resembling the main walking path.

The rest of the trip will be chronicled shortly, and most likely in less detail. Stay tuned!!

Karina and I marked a significant milestone to us on December 29: our 10^th anniversary. In order to celebrate, we decided to take a couples vacation and, thanks to our AWESOME mothers who watched our kids, we were able to! Karina had fallen in love with Hawaii when she took a trip there with her mom five years ago and that is where she desperately wanted to go. I offered the following counterpoint: “whatever”.

We decided that we wanted to see as much of the islands as possible and thought a cruise would be a good way of performing that goal. The fact that there is only one regular cruise that goes around the islands made our decision easy.

The one cruise (that sets sail from Hawaii as opposed to the mainland) is from Norwegian Cruise Line aboard the Pride of America. I was slightly worried about cruising with a Scandinavian company. All I had in terms of background on their culture were Vikings and Ikea. I was worried that Karina and I would spend half the day trying to figure out where the buffet was: “is it the largenfluben or the deucenflusher? It must be the first because I am pretty sure the second is the restroom.” And I assumed announcements from the Captain would begin like: “Ha-llo everyone, this is Captain Sven. Velcome to our sheep.”

Day 1

Well, the big day finally came after more preparation than we had anticipated. Turns out handing over the reigns to your life for a week (especially during school) takes a bit of work. We left our moms with 7 volumes of instruction (including a video), cash to cover expenses, a Power of Attorney, will, and the list goes on.

In order to catch an 8am flight from Phoenix we woke up at 3am to hit the road at 4am. And, at about 4:12 we started our vacation a bit heavy-eyed. Both of us tried to catch up on rest during the flight but were both unable to sleep. I have never been able to sleep on a flight for some reason. It may have something to do with the fact that I am hurtling along at over 500 miles per hour, approximately 6 miles up, in a tin can, designed by humans, made up of 5 million parts that each must work perfectly to avoid disaster. Or it could be the seats.

We arrived in Honolulu around noon Hawaii time. After renting a car and checking in to our hotel we decided to do a bit of exploring. We decided to sample some of the local cuisine so our first stop was Round Table Pizza. While the pizza was delicious, I was slightly distracted by the birds frequenting the restaurant. Virtually all of the birds had some sort of a foot disfiguration. I could not figure out why. It turns out birds on some of the other islands are the same way. My theory is these club-feet are a natural survival adaptation for the birds. The feet are designed to incite pity in other creatures around it. And it worked in this case. I probably fed those birds a slice and a half of pizza. Of course another theory could be the human food is somehow increasing birth defects in the birds. I didn’t think about that one until later: oops.

Evidence of foot problems:

 We walked along Waikiki beach for a bit and then went to a shopping district. It amazed me how much like Vegas Honolulu was in regards to high end shopping. Thankfully Honolulu’s street-side flyers involved less nudity. We then hit an international marketplace that had a ton of stereotypical Hawaiian souvenirs.

Here’s us on the beach at Waikiki:

 Both of us were a bit tired from waking up so early so we turned in early and went to bed around 8:30. We each slept well…until 9pm when I was violently awoken to the sound of numerous explosions nearby as the hotel’s weekly fireworks started. Thankfully, they were relatively short and, after breathing into a bag for a few minutes, I went back to sleep quickly.

Day 2

The next morning we woke up naturally at 5:45 am (8:45 Tucson time). Getting up before 6 on vacation just felt wrong. Our one goal for Honolulu was to visit Pearl Harbor as we have both been very interested in World War II as of late. After a wrong turn or six we finally arrived. I have no idea how the Japanese pilots found the harbor as I had a hard time and I had a navigator, GPS, and road signs to follow.

We had really wanted to visit the USS Arizona memorial so we got our tickets, maps, and a headset to listen to an audio tour. As we had about an hour before it was our turn to head out to the memorial we hit the restroom before we were going to walk around.

Unfortunately some sort of incident had happened in men’s urinal number 2 (which was of course the only one open). The floor was covered in…errr….the stuff that goes in a urinal. But, since I was wearing shoes, I tiptoed in and did my business. Unfortunately after I did my business, disaster struck: I dropped a pile of paperwork from my underarm directly into the puddle. Looking back, I probably should have just let the paperwork be. However, there were witnesses and I was always taught to clean up after myself. So I reached in and grabbed my papers, neatly dabbing my fingertips into the puddle. I threw the papers away immediately and set about washing (and rewashing) my hands. When we got out, I told Karina that I was pretty sure what just happened was surely the worst thing to ever happen at Pearl Harbor…that day.

The USS Arizona memorial was a somber and fascinating experience. I wish we had more time to spend as there are multiple museums and memorials at Pearl Harbor. I could have spent two days there and I recommend a visit there if you ever find yourself in Honolulu.

Here I am at the USS Arizona Memorial:

As our time to board the ship was nearing, we set about finding an authentic Hawaiian barbeque in the neighborhood of the airport. The specific one we were looking for turned out to be a lot harder to find than we thought (I sure could have used a Japanese aviator). We finally settled on the “Airport Barbeque” which we stumbled across in a very industrial area. We felt safe though as a police officer was eating there at the time. The food was tolerable but certainly not what we were hoping. And of course, as we drove off we passed right by the restaurant we were looking for.

We boarded the ship and as is our custom, headed immediately for the buffet. The buffet is my favorite part of any cruise as the endless possibilities just make me feel all warm inside. And this buffet seemingly did not disappoint. There were traditional staples such as pizza, hamburgers, and sirloin, as well as some other dishes I don’t generally eat: seafood pasta with octopus, lamb curry, and something with duck. The food was fantastic…in theory. However, it was a little bland and slightly cold. I made up for this by shoveling more into my mouth. And then going for dessert…which was amazing.

Now, as this was vacation, my next step would have been to find a lounge chair and slowly settle into a food coma. However, it turns out I am now married to the second coming of Jillian Michaels, so we “got” to exercise. The ship had a running track and we decided to run a couple miles on it. Running on a moving ship turned out to be a lot of fun (with the exception of trying to avoid buffet revelers slowly searching for lounge chairs). Running forward on the ship made me feel like Usain Bolt. However, running towards the back against the ships movement was a little dispiriting.

Here is a picture of us running….

 For the record, Karina wasn’t ahead of me because I couldn’t keep up. Of course not. You see, I was..uh….about to lap her! Yeah, that’s it. For the second time!

Here’s more of us relaxing on vacation…

One very nice amenity in the gym was that every treadmill had it’s own television. You could choose from literally several channels of entertainment. Most of them being news organizations. And most of them dedicated to focusing on this story:

While keeping up with that story sure didn’t help my nerves, I had complete trust in our Captain as I had never heard of a Scandinavian ship crashing due to unsafe maneuvers. As a matter of fact, I hadn’t heard of any Scandinavian ships period.

(Except this one of course)

After running and lifting weights in at the gym a bit I hit the shower. And it turns out I mean that in a fairly literal sense. The shower turned out to be smaller than a European phone booth. Not to mention the ship was rocking and rolling requiring me to balance constantly. It must have looked like I was performing a drunk hokey pokey. There were knees and elbows everywhere! Thankfully they were cushioned by the shower wall. I can’t imagine what people in the adjoining room thought was happening as it no doubt sounded like a fleshy rock thrown in a dryer. And, it was even worse if you could have seen me, which was impossible as there was BARELY enough room for all the appendages of even one normal human male.

The rest of our vacation will follow soon….