A very Ape-ealing Gorilla

Posted on June 28, 2015

Some big news came out Friday that has stirred a lot of passions in people. Knowing the sensitivity of the topic, I wanted to lay low and let the controversy die down a bit before weighing in on the topic. But, I believe in standing up for what is right, no matter the cost. I may lose some friends for this, which saddens me. But if my opinion on this matter is enough to make you question our friendship, I guess we were never really friends after all.

So what was the big news? What-? Supreme what? No, no no. I’m talking about he news story about the hunky Japanese gorilla whom the collective ladies are falling in love with. Don’t believe me? Check out this news story.


To his credit, that is pretty dang smoldering…

Some of my favorite quotes that one would never expect to read about a gorilla:

  • “He’s a father and he always protects and looks over his children… his kindness is attractive too.”
  • “He often rests his chin on his hands and looks intently at you”
  • “brooding good looks and rippling muscles”

What is wrong with us?! I cannot fully express the disgust and anger that brews within me.  How is the title of World’s Sexiest Gorilla not resting on the firm shoulders and taut buttocks of an American gorilla?! So to that end, I am going to start a drive to bring the title back to where it belongs: ‘MURICA!

While one can no doubt find many handsome, strapping gorillas across the country, there is one who would no doubt be able to wither the barbs and stresses of representing our country as the World’s Sexiest Gorilla. No, not the gorilla from the San Diego zoo…dude’s frumpy! I’m talking about this one:

Shabani-gorilla 2

Now THAT is a gorilla! Am I right…ladies?

So who is with me? (crickets) No one? Nobody at all? Ok, fine. Let the enemy win. I suppose I have better things to do anyway. Like explaining to my children how our society will be affected by the other big story that came out Friday:  Jimmy Fallon’s severe hand injury.

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