I always look forward to the Olympics every (other) year and have thoroughly enjoyed myself with this year’s competition. Having 9 channels showing different events have given me a more comprehensive appreciation for the variety of sporting events at the Olympics. Some of which I’ve never even heard of heretofore. Here now, are some random observations I’ve had…

Olympic Observations

1. The Olympics are a blast to watch but a bit of overkill. I can’t help but think the sheer number of events is a result of collusion between the big gold, silver, and bronze industries. The idea of the Olympics starts out with a great premise: let’s see is the best in the world at an athletic endeavor. Like let’s see who is the best at throwing things far! But, then it gets out of hand. (pun very much intended) Let’s do it with a disk…and a spear…and a heavy ball..and a heavy ball on a chain….
   How about we find out which team is best at getting a ball in a net? But, let’s find as many obscure ways as possible to do that! How about throwing it (Handball), throwing it while swimming (Water Polo), kicking it (Soccer), using a stick (Field Hockey), throwing it in a sideways net (Basketball).
   And don’t even get me started on events to see who’s best at getting a ball OVER a net.
   And how about track and field? I like knowing who’s the fastest runner in the world. But how many distances must we know at? There’s the 100 Meter, 200 Meter, 400 Meter, 212.6 Meter, 800 Meter, etc. But that’s not enough of course. We have to see who’s the fastest runner if there are obstacles to jump over on the track.

   
   Seems to me that an intelligent athlete would go around said obstacle
   Incidentally, how many different competitions do we need to hold to confirm Usain Bolt is the fastest runner in the world? It would save a lot of time and airfare for other competitors to just mail him a couple gold medals and skip those events.
   
   He is to running as Ryan Lochte is to creating international incidents
   1a        On a related note, what the heck are those Jamaicans eating?! Jamaicans swept the men’s and women’s 100 Meter and 200 Meter gold medals.
              
   Must be these vegetables I hear they are all fond of down there…

2. Why do women have to perform EVERY competition in their bathing suits?! I understand swimming. That’s logical. But volleyball, running, gymnastics, shall I go on? I think this is discriminatory and demeaning against women. From now on, men should perform all competitions in this:

I expect a bit of pushback from the archery teams.

3. There are some Olympic sports that seem to appeal to a very small demographic. Like sailing. Is there anyone outside of Nantucket, Massachusetts who even cares?

4. And speaking of sports where the human participation is getting iffy, I’m pretty sure the Olympics don’t even care that the athletes are actually horses in the Equestrian Show Jumping competitions. If I can pay $30 at Old Tucson to do the same thing as those riders by not falling off a horse (granted, not in a fancy smoking jacket), I don’t think it should be in the Olympics.

5. This link had me laughing like crazy. I showed my kids and apparently they have a more mature and refined sense of humor because all it elicited from them was a slight giggle. It is some video footage of Olympic competitions with a few classy sound effects added.  Fart Olympics

You might be asking me now, “David, now that you’ve been exposed to a myriad of new competitions, what is your favorite?” I think I’m going to have to go with racewalking – or, more accurately, Aggressive Runway Model Strutting. I don’t doubt that walking 50 kilometers is a physically demanding experience. However, I am a bit underwhelmed by athletes I would beat by breaking into a slow jog. Never seen it before? Just imagine the activity below at about 1.5X speed.

And with a higher chance of pooping oneself – don’t Google it

Oh well, I had better get going. The final heat in the women’s 363 Meter dash with hurdle batons is about to start. USA! USA! USA!