Posted on October 28, 2007

According to most relationship studies there are three main sources of conflict within marriage: sex, money, and coffee. You may be surprised at that list, but believe me, money is a real source of conflict.I’ve had the opportunity to experience a little coffee-related tension. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never had any problems with coffee, but then again, that wouldn’t be a fair fight since coffee can’t talk. My wife and I however have had some discussions about coffee.

She likes coffee…alot. That in itself is tolerable (as long as one enjoys such benefits as insomnia and yellow teeth). My issue is that she commonly pays $4 per cup to feed her craving. Yes, that is right, I said $4 per cup.

Granted, there are things I would gladly pay $4 per cup for…gold is an example of one. Coffee on the other hand can commonly be found for as cheap as free. But according to my wife, free coffee doesn’t taste as good or say Starbucks on the cup as much as a $4 cup of coffee.

I must add a disclosure here, I keep throwing around the term “$4 cup of coffee.” Those of you who are more coffee knowledgeable may point out here that a cup of regular coffee is far cheaper than $4 at Starbucks, it’s more like $2.50. But my wife is not content with a regular cup of “Joe” (that is urban slang for coffee). She needs the Frappuccinos. These are worth far more than a cup of regular coffee because they have added ingredients not found in standard coffee…such as ice.

This gross overpricing of their product has led me to hate Starbucks with a passion (but, as a passionate capitalist, it has also led me to respect the Starbucks executives greatly). In fact, Starbucks alone has long been my primary motivation to boycott all coffee (I’m just glad they don’t make deodorant or toilet paper), well, that and the fact that a single cup of coffee would make me jitterier than a cracked up Chihuahua at a car alarm convention.

For years, not a single drop of Coffea plant bean juice touched my lips. That changed recently when I made a major revelation. Unlimited quantities of coffee are provided free of charge AT MY WORK. If there is one thing stronger than my passionate despisery of Starbucks, it is my inability to pass up anything free (with a few minor exception such as a free pamphlets on the Las Vegas strip, free t-shirts in exchange for signing up with a credit card, and free Ebola virus). Not too mention, this nectar of the gods is located mere feet from my desk!

So what was once a point of differentiation within our relationship has now become a common bond with my wife. I still refuse to pay $4 for a cup of coffee…most of the time, but my wife and I now have one more thing in common. And you know what, we’ll be ok, just as long as noone decides to bottle water and sell IT for exorbitant sums of money…oh crud.

1 Reply to "Coffee"

  • Ben
    July 18, 2014 (10:41 pm)

    I, for one, love frapp’s. Especially, Carmel (sp?) frapps. I noticed now, several years later, that you seem to enjoy Starbucks a lot more. HMmmm we all seem to change for the better or maybe worse as we get older. Just something to think about.

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